When Things Go Wrong, Do You Turn To Food?

I do. I realize in the great scheme of things, my “really bad day” is TODAY! My back pain has gotten so bad, my day started with me sitting in my car crying.


I am not PMSing, but I feel bloated and gross from my week of bad eating, and all I wanted to do today after work was train with Sham and my workout buddy Michelle. I got up this morning struggling to walk, my back pain has gotten the best of me. Clearly this was not a personal grievance the Exercise Lords had against Priscilla, but my vulnerable emotional state made it feel that way.

I feel a little bit rejected and really annoyed that I cant workout today. I finally got out of my car and walked into an office full of panera bagels, with an array of cream cheese crap—you know, the kind with the sugar I’m not supposed to be eating.I decided to have half a bagel, but it wasn’t enough (it never is)I was too embarrassed to walk back to the counter and grab another half. No amount of bagels is going to make me feel better; I'm not looking for food, I'm looking to get my way in to still workout, I'm looking for my back pain to GO AWAY, to feel better about my body. Wouldn’t life be easy if we could get all that coated in rainbow sprinkles?


This morning keeps pricking me with little thorns in my side—I am trying hard not to blame myself for my recent acts of compulsive eating, because I really, truly believe this addiction is an illness like any other—drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever. Lack of willpower isn’t what makes alcoholics turn to a bottle to sate the disappointments of their everyday lives, and I know that lack of willpower alone isn’t what makes me turn to food, either. I think accepting that I am not a weak person or that I need not to be “punished” for turning to food (only when I EARN it) in these situations will give me the freedom to move forward.

It is my hope that what will eventually free me from this compulsion—and yes, eventually allow me to have the body and the life I strive for—is constantly admitting to myself (and to you) the honest reality of my struggle.

So, in the spirit of that honesty and self-acceptance: When was the last time you turned to food to deal with an “everyday annoyance” or disappointment (trust me, nothing will sound too silly to me!)?

My "Fat"astistic voyage... grrrrr...

I havent updated this blog in so long, I've decided today to make this part of my daily routine. Why? Many reasons, but the most important one...I have fallen off the bandwagon BAD, and I feel this is the only way to hold me accountable. 3 weeks ago, when I was being persistent and diligent with what Sham was asking I was seeing GREAT results, now I'm starting to slowly gain everything back that I've worked so hard for. Is it my awesome trainers fault? Absolutely not! All fingers point back to me..


Whats my weakness? Well, obviously food... just all the wrong kind. What am I doing to earn the food I love?? Nothing!!! Thats right, let me sit back and have 3-4 cookies,2 slices of pizza, kick back and relax... let all that food absorb into my body and settle in REALLY nicely into pure fat! Why do the good choices I need to make seem so far out of reach for me? Am I THAT lazy? Surely, its been hard to incorporate my core exercises and 30 minutes of cardio into a daily routine (I havent been in the best of health lately) but my eating habits are NO excuse.


I'm starting to slowly poison myself with all the food I know I should be staying away from. Processed, high sodium, loaded with sugar foods. I'd be lying if I said I didnt feel good while eating them, because I do... its how I feel after that gets me. Guilty, no..no... disgusted, my choices are slowly creeping up on me taking away that "GEEZ I LOOK GOOD" feeling. One thing I HAVE been keeping consistant with is my water intake, I cant live without my 96 oz =).

You might’ve noticed that I haven’t posted any photos of myself in my blog. I’m feeling like a stuffed sausage in my clothes, so let’s just say I haven’t exactly been in the mood to say, “Hey, take a photo of me for my blog!” to anyone.

My friend Kelly just sent around pictures from her birthday party over the weekend. When I saw this photo, I cringed. I just "untagged" the photo on Facebook and almost crawled under my desk to hide—no way in heck was I going to post it on here for all of you to see.

But then, I figured, it’s time to face it. This photo is my reality check, and I decided to post it because

A.) it’s me, and I cannot hide who I am, ever... and..

B.) it reinforces what I’ve felt all week: my eagerness to get back to all the healthy habits I’ve developed over the past few weeks so that a little relapse doesn’t turn into a titanic regression.

So here it is—puffy face, puffy waist: