Yesterday...

I had this fabulous idea to meet up earlier (at 4pm instead of 5pm)with my trainer Sham being that I had an appointment at 6pm. Well,that "fabulous idea" sure did backfire on me. I arrived at the fitness room super tired yet excited. I hopped on the treadmill and starting chatting away with my fitness bud Michelle.

In came "him"..you know, my trainer.. the one that is responsible for me walking like a baby dear this morning. He instructed us to hop off the treadmill and follow him outside.

"What? Why???" I asked

"We're going to be training outside today" said Sham

I thought to myself, this is NOT what I signed up for. My diva side was totally coming out lol. Ugh, no skin moisturizer on my face, its cold,whyyyyy do we have to do this, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?!?!

We crossed the street, and there we stood waiting for instruction from Sham. He started us on a "warmup" that consisted of high knee skipping,an exercise that involved our knees up then ending with a kick (i felt super silly doing this btw), and the 3rd was a side skip and we were to remain low the whole time. Wooo what a warm up!!

NOW... time for the workout... Ladies and Gentelmen I believe at this moment Sham should've presented me with THIS...





HAHA! I started doing pushups while Michelle RAN up this steeping sidewalk and had to come back to me then we switched off. I believe we did 2 sets of on/off switching which included situps, and squats AH...!

The total workout took us 19minutes.. and I about DIED, no I'm not over exaggerating. I never felt so much out of shape. Time to get back on track!! No more excuses!! =)

I'm a baby

No Really I am!

I complained way too much today(I believe even before I started)

As I walked into Shams room of torture (haha) I walked in to see my fitness partner Michelle melting away on the treadmill while Iiiiiii struggled on the eliptical. 

"Gosh, she sure is getting smaller" I thought " It's amazing what ONLY 2 WEEKS will do"

Lets just say I have ALOT of catching up to do.

I havent been doing any core work due to hurting my back (not exercise related). But now that I'm back, I have something up my sleeve bwaahahaha.. you little weaklings get ready. This is something my Trainer NOR Michelle knows about..

This blog is SUPER short, but its better then nothing.. I have a pounding headache from being obese and running haha! I'll blog more tomorrow.

P.S. Michelle, its on like Donkey Kong!!

When Things Go Wrong, Do You Turn To Food?

I do. I realize in the great scheme of things, my “really bad day” is TODAY! My back pain has gotten so bad, my day started with me sitting in my car crying.


I am not PMSing, but I feel bloated and gross from my week of bad eating, and all I wanted to do today after work was train with Sham and my workout buddy Michelle. I got up this morning struggling to walk, my back pain has gotten the best of me. Clearly this was not a personal grievance the Exercise Lords had against Priscilla, but my vulnerable emotional state made it feel that way.

I feel a little bit rejected and really annoyed that I cant workout today. I finally got out of my car and walked into an office full of panera bagels, with an array of cream cheese crap—you know, the kind with the sugar I’m not supposed to be eating.I decided to have half a bagel, but it wasn’t enough (it never is)I was too embarrassed to walk back to the counter and grab another half. No amount of bagels is going to make me feel better; I'm not looking for food, I'm looking to get my way in to still workout, I'm looking for my back pain to GO AWAY, to feel better about my body. Wouldn’t life be easy if we could get all that coated in rainbow sprinkles?


This morning keeps pricking me with little thorns in my side—I am trying hard not to blame myself for my recent acts of compulsive eating, because I really, truly believe this addiction is an illness like any other—drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever. Lack of willpower isn’t what makes alcoholics turn to a bottle to sate the disappointments of their everyday lives, and I know that lack of willpower alone isn’t what makes me turn to food, either. I think accepting that I am not a weak person or that I need not to be “punished” for turning to food (only when I EARN it) in these situations will give me the freedom to move forward.

It is my hope that what will eventually free me from this compulsion—and yes, eventually allow me to have the body and the life I strive for—is constantly admitting to myself (and to you) the honest reality of my struggle.

So, in the spirit of that honesty and self-acceptance: When was the last time you turned to food to deal with an “everyday annoyance” or disappointment (trust me, nothing will sound too silly to me!)?

My "Fat"astistic voyage... grrrrr...

I havent updated this blog in so long, I've decided today to make this part of my daily routine. Why? Many reasons, but the most important one...I have fallen off the bandwagon BAD, and I feel this is the only way to hold me accountable. 3 weeks ago, when I was being persistent and diligent with what Sham was asking I was seeing GREAT results, now I'm starting to slowly gain everything back that I've worked so hard for. Is it my awesome trainers fault? Absolutely not! All fingers point back to me..


Whats my weakness? Well, obviously food... just all the wrong kind. What am I doing to earn the food I love?? Nothing!!! Thats right, let me sit back and have 3-4 cookies,2 slices of pizza, kick back and relax... let all that food absorb into my body and settle in REALLY nicely into pure fat! Why do the good choices I need to make seem so far out of reach for me? Am I THAT lazy? Surely, its been hard to incorporate my core exercises and 30 minutes of cardio into a daily routine (I havent been in the best of health lately) but my eating habits are NO excuse.


I'm starting to slowly poison myself with all the food I know I should be staying away from. Processed, high sodium, loaded with sugar foods. I'd be lying if I said I didnt feel good while eating them, because I do... its how I feel after that gets me. Guilty, no..no... disgusted, my choices are slowly creeping up on me taking away that "GEEZ I LOOK GOOD" feeling. One thing I HAVE been keeping consistant with is my water intake, I cant live without my 96 oz =).

You might’ve noticed that I haven’t posted any photos of myself in my blog. I’m feeling like a stuffed sausage in my clothes, so let’s just say I haven’t exactly been in the mood to say, “Hey, take a photo of me for my blog!” to anyone.

My friend Kelly just sent around pictures from her birthday party over the weekend. When I saw this photo, I cringed. I just "untagged" the photo on Facebook and almost crawled under my desk to hide—no way in heck was I going to post it on here for all of you to see.

But then, I figured, it’s time to face it. This photo is my reality check, and I decided to post it because

A.) it’s me, and I cannot hide who I am, ever... and..

B.) it reinforces what I’ve felt all week: my eagerness to get back to all the healthy habits I’ve developed over the past few weeks so that a little relapse doesn’t turn into a titanic regression.

So here it is—puffy face, puffy waist:

Goodbye belly roll..

I hate Sham Sanghera. OK, no I don't. But he IS the reason I was hobbling up my work stairs Tuesday morning saying, "Ow. Ow. OK, ow. Unprintable word...OW." Sham, as you may know, is my trainer he's pretty much a genius . On the plus side, being sore like this instantly makes me feel more fit, and a little hardcore. It's like a constant reminder all day long that, yeah--I work out, baby! (Wanna arm wrestle? Hooah!)

My clothes are starting to fit me super loose, my shirts are already a half a size too small, and my waistline is trimming down ever so fast… this is amazing! You know what I'm the most excited about? My Taste buds! Yes that's right! The AWARENESS that I have learned in this short time, I can sense that my body is immensely grateful for what I've changed.  Saturday was a super busy day, after my daughters basketball game we decided to hit up the good ol smorgasbord Hometown buffet, boy was I excited! FINALLY! Food I LOVE!

I planted a huge glob of chili beans,baked chicken, fish and a salad loaded with calories. "Mmmm this is going to be AMAZING," I thought… boy was I in for a surprise, I felt like I had consumed 10 tablespoons of salt, what was happening to me? The back of my tongue felt like it had 1 tablespoon of salt just planted on the back of my tongue, and no matter how much water I drank nothing was making that feeling go away. A part of me was sad for not being able to avoid the food I love, but another part of me rejoiced because my body is making me AWARE of what it needs, what it loves, what I don't need. All in all, the knowledge Shams training has instilled in me in just a few weeks, is making me push harder and look forward to what lays ahead.If I've already made these amazing changes in just a few weeks, imagine what I'm in for! My goal is only that of what my mind,and body will allow me to achieve… finally the two are starting to balance together in harmony, I'm excited!

Hello, my name is Priscilla and I'm a food addict...

Yes, the holidays were a difficult time to stay on track, but now that they're over...I know for sure that what's happening with me is more than a case of too many chocolates,cheesecake,pumpkin pie,carrot cake and home cooking. Since I'm finally able to say it out loud—food and sugar is an addiction, and it's certainly mine—I know there is no cure for it the way there is no cure for alcoholism. 

Addictions aren't cured; they're managed one day at a time. Last year (and I can't pinpoint the exact month, but I could feel it happening especially sometime over the last couple of months) I lost the mindfulness it takes to manage my addiction, and since then, things have been spiraling out of control. I'm finding that I binge because I'm bored… I don't know this place; I've never been here before.

The good news: I have an amazing trainer/life coach that WILL help me achieve my goals and help me with my "addiciton".For the first time in my life, I can say with certainty that I know be in the best shape of my life (and maintain  the weight I want to lose) because I've honestly hit rock bottom, and I'm ready to commit to a lifestyle change. I can do it ! I need emotional support and I need a plan—a food plan, an exercise plan, and support. 

For the past week I've woken up every day determined to start over, to "do better," and every day I have not been able to—I cave to something (like chocolate or a pastry) and then it all goes downhill all over again. But why wouldn't it take a few attempts before I am able to stick to something that demands I give up my biggest comfort: food? Maybe with a little forgiveness for all my failed attempts, self-love will replace self-medicating (with food) the way it started years ago, when I was in the best shape of my life.

One thing I know I need to do soon (as in TODAY! No procrastinating, Priscilla!) is be persistent with my food log, and blog religiously. I will do that, and I will share it with all of you.The other thing I need to do is remind myself that I am more than my body, and I don't need to hide out or feel ashamed because my physical body isn't as "beautiful" as I know it can be. This separation of "I" from "my body" is one of the hardest things for me, since for all my life the mirror has always been the biggest reflection of my self-worth. I read the following "happiness tip" by Eckhart Tolle online this morning, and I swear he wrote this for me

"Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily."

I TOTALLY needed the reminder: Yes, I can and will work on being stronger, fitter and healthier through nutrition and exercise, but I, Priscilla, am so much more than my physical body. I am worthy of the happiest life ever through a complete lifestyle change (AND SO ARE ALL OF YOU!).

No Turning Back!!

Hi, guys! WHERE DO I BEGIN? It's impossible to fill you in on my 27-year-history with food and weight all in one post, but luckily I don't have to! I'll dive in now and by the end of this journey. I promise you'll know a lot more about me. Here are the basics: I'm a single mother of an 8 year old, and well, a lot's changed in a year. I've gained about 40lbs, and have encountered some major health issues.  I have developed the first stage of cervical cancer the good news is I can reverse it with exercise and nutrition! So instead of tackling this battle privately-and unsuccessfully-like I have for the past year, I've decided its time to open up about it. No more hiding!
So you're probably wondering: How much do I weigh? When I tell you I've gained 40lbs in a year, hopefully you'll understand why I'm not quite ready to reveal that s-c-a-r-y number. Is that terrible? The thing is, my weight issues are double-dipped in the year of self humiliation and I'm still working on coming to grips with the whole "Its just a number" thing. When did I gain the weight? So long ago honestly don't remember not being overweight. By the time 2008 approached, I flat-out hated my body. Since then, I've hated myself for hating my body, eaten to relieve some of that hatred, then hated myself more. How's that for a fat trap?
As for my commitment to finally get a grip: My health is what has brought me here;
So this isn't just a resolution to trade in my size 14 skirts in for size-6 jeans (although, yes, that is part of what I'm hoping for!); its a decision to trade self-loathing in for self-loving. I think I'm beautiful :), however, I want to be HEALTHY. 
While I haven't decided my exact goal weight, I know one thing for sure: I want to walk a little taller, feel a little stronger and love my body a lot more! I know I'll need all of your support, and I hope that I can inspire you guys a little but, too!